ERRr...

Is this thing on?

Hi dudes. It has been quite a while, non? I sort of got swept up in the high that is the feeling of absolute freedom. It really does feel like being on drugs, only healthy. Like, I'm buzzing, but I don't feel like I could barf up my beating heart at any moment. It just feels very peaceful, and calm, and slow, and yes sometimes mildly depressing when you think about everyone partying in the city while you're watching a Celebrity Rehab marathon, but mostly "you" don't care.

I mean, right now I am sitting on my parents back patio, in a rust colored Adirondack chair, looking out onto a magical backyard of enchanted trees and flowers with a MINI FARM in the middle. It's about 76 degrees and I'm drinking a delicious cup of earl grey and typing on my laptop to you people. My dad is just inside the screen door playing guitar and singing soft jams. I can say with 100% positivity that ANYONE  in the city would want to be right here right now. Don't believe me?

right?? 

I truly am not trying to rub it in to anyone sitting at work on this Friday morning, wanting to stab pens in their eyeballs and spit fire on everyone around them. BEEN THERE!! I just want you to know that taking a life T.O. is possible and so beneficial. Anyway, that's enough preaching from me. Did I get annoying since I've been gone? Ugh, I feel rusty. 

In case you were wondering, my last day of work was pretty much the best day of my YOUNG life thus far. As I walked out of the building my spine straightened and I really did feel the weight of all that frustration and hatred and disappointment lift right of my shoulders. I hope to never have to be in an environment like that ever again and until I do have to find a new job, I am on a mission to be in these kinds of environments 24/7.

zen out hippie shit find yourself be happy

Duh, I got an iphone. Don't even care if instagram is corny, it makes life look the way I feel. Shit, that was SO CORNY! :/

Be back soon

GUYS!

It's my last day as THE BOSS!!!!!! Can you believe we made it? How do you feel??

Here is how I feel:

SURPRISE! The author of this blog is no man or woman, it's a straight CHILD! Jk jk friends, I did not mean to go all pedo with these reference pics, these children just happen to be on my same wave length right now. It's called the FREEDOM TRAIN and I'm riding it! Meow meow meow meow!

I spent the day tying up loose ends, telling people to fuck off (jk again!), and hiding any evidence of the weird shit I have been doing in this office for the past 3 months. Once I finish this post, I'll erase my internet history et VOILA, my time in office is over like Obama's (REALLY JKJKJK SORRY MOM!!)

In all seriousness, I am proud of myself for making it through, I am thankful to the universe for making the last three months go by so quickly, and I do not feel one morsel of regret in leaving this place. The "lady who named her human child after my canine child" is coming back tomorrow. I will need some strength to get through that bullshit fake smile-a-thon, so universe, don't quit on me just yet! After 6pm today, I will no longer have a desk, so I will need to write from home how my very last last day in this building goes. I might film myself walking out of the building, we'll see. Until then, I would like to say YOW! IM FUCKING DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE AND PEACE TO THE WORLD. DONT LET THE MAN GET YOU DOWN. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL IN EVERY SINGLE WAY. YOU CAN DO IT. IF YOU DONT LIKE WHATS FOR DINNER, MAKE SOMETHING ELSE.XOXOXOXO

Hi fellas.

Shit has been insane! Everyday something ridiculous happens that tops the day before. Yesterday, my entire calendar with alllllllllll the important info for my job disappeared off of my computer.... pardon? Is this for real? Last week, I had my exit interview with HR and I CRIED. This, unfortunately, is for real real.  See ya never future opportunities with this company! Oh, and last Friday night, I ran into my boss at 3:30am at a bar and he had an anxiety attack and couldn't formulate words...... I cannot even make this shit up, people, it's just so straaaange!

But alas, this is my last real week of being boss! 3 months and only 15 blog posts later (whoops) and I'm in the final countdown: 5 days. I have the day off tomorrow, my last summer friday of my career, then Monday and Tuesday I'm boss, then the woman formerly known as my boss but currently known as the lady who named her baby after my dog, shows back up on Wednesday and I'm outtie on Friday! CAN YOU FCUKING BELIEVE IT? I can't really. Think I'll get a party? I dunno. Hope I get sumthin. I'll let you know, I'm sure your dying to find out.

I am going to keep writing this blog after I am no longer The Boss of this place, just The Boss of Me. When I try to picture my future beyond July it looks like this:

eeks

However, when I picture my life between the dates of July 15th and July 31st, it looks like this:

creeps

No but really, I plan to be partying the entire 2 weeks, so If you know me and want to hang, holler at me. Because before you know, I'll be gone and you'll miss me. This is true, trust. I'm fun! 

Well, it's that time of day where I get together my final task, and then just sit here pretending to be busy for the last 2 hours of the work day when really I'm just reading your stupid tweets and twiddling my thumbs.  I'm in a weird mood right now, sorry. LOVE YOU!

Eek

So, a lot of things have happened. Mainly, I quit.

I gave my notice earlier than I was expecting, and I am working a week longer than I was hoping, but it's all on the table now and I'm just trying to make it though the next three weeks. My anxiety level is like SKY HIGH, mostly because I just want to get out of here so badly. The way things went down was NOT cool, and that definitely was not my fault. Babies are running this company I tell you! I let myself be bummed about the situation for about two days, and then I just got excited about what the future will bring.

I'm not going to get into the details of what happened, because two Fridays ago I wrote this whole rant about a fat corporate asshole who wronged me, and then went home and smoked weed and got paranoid that somehow he would read it and fire me. Which actually, wouldn't be bad because then I could collect unemployment, but I was kind of tweaking out and imagined this whole scenario where the company would make an example out of me and publicize what happens when you hate blog your work place. So then I deleted the post and made this blog invisible for about 48 hours and then remembered that maybe I want to become a writer so I changed it back to public. Which quite possibly could have gone unnoticed because I don't know how many people actually read this thing other than my mom and aunt. Hi ladies.

So, it's official. My last day of work is July 15th. That means 16 work days left. Wuh. BUT once I am done I will have two weeks to just straight fuck around in the city. And then also potentially a life time after that because I have nothing concrete planned yet.

I really am just checking in because I have not been good at blogging lately and I am currently BORED. Being Boss is a mix of extreme crazy time and slumped over in boredom desperation time. Other things- I'm going to that friend wedding I mentioned in my first post this weekend. Wish me good hair luck! My dress is awesome so no worries in that department. Won't it be funny if I turn out to be a boy? This blog so mysterious, no?!?

I know!

It's been so long!

After the post vacation depression wore off (mostly), things went into hyperdrive over here. Gag.

It's the one month stretch, you guys, and its SO HARD. Everyday is like a close-but-no-cigar type scenario. When all I want to do is reply to every annoying email with, "I don't care and I probably hate you," I instead have to be like, "Oh sure, I'll rearrange a thousand things to accommodate YOU. It's my PLEASURE!!! XOXO." Seriously. People I've never met in real life sign their emails to me with xoxo.... whyyyyy? I know you don't love me! You don't even know what my face/body/shoes look like. For all you know I could wear these everyday:

BAAAAAARF barfbarfbarfbarf

The last two months did actually go by pretty quickly though and I just counted and this time I made no mistakes: 19 DAYS of work left!!!!!!!!! NINETEEN. I just got tingly. When I walk out of this building for the last time I will definitely look like this:

Then I might barf and go hug my dog for one week straight, because it's actually kind of scary to have no solid plan and basically drop the life I've been leading for the last four years in search of a better one....

(ps. - better life does not include better friends, family, boyfriends BTW. xoxo- I MEAN IT!)

Out of Office AutoReply

Summa summa summa TYYYme!

I'm about to say hello to a 4 day weekend- Hello Gorgeous! Tomorrow is my first Summer Friday and I'm celebrating with a trip on down to South Beach. It just happens to be the hip hop convention this weekend as well. Which means a lot of this:

A day before I'm out of the office is always a hectic one. Shit is CRAZY today! Relax folks, we are not actually contributing to society in any way! Guess what? Dogs are crawling back to their homes with two broken legs after being swept away by tornados! It takes them 2 weeks! But they make it back to their families! Are you crying? I AM!!!

Week 7 Update

Hello from week 7!

It's been a pretty great week. Not because of anything work related, derrr, but because Boss Birthday was excellent and SUMMER FRIDAYS start this week!

(WAIT TIME OUT, IM PRETTY SURE IM MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH A GUY ON A ROOF IN OVERALLS AND A BANDANA THROUGH MY OFFICE WINDOW RIGHT NOW! EEK THIS FEELS SO WEIRD!!)

Okay, time in. My 7 day birthday celebration (that is not over yet) can be summed up by these photos- in no particular order:

Yep. Someone gave me a million dollars. The week long celebration is making its next stop in Miami, FL. Shout out to my brother! Thanks already for the sushi dinner you don't know you're treating me to! Yum!